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Old 11-10-2012, 03:58 AM   #1
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Question Boyfriend Troubles

I know I haven't even been here for a day yet but I thought I'd make this thread anyway! I need help with what to do about my boyfriend. We have been dating for about 10 months now, so things have definitely become serious and exclusive. I had been a gamer my whole life but he's basically the reason I got back into Nintendo. Anyway! We have been really close, until about a month or so ago. Before, we were completely honest and open about everything; even letting each other go onto our Facebook accounts for whatever reason. But recently, he changed his password. Normally that wouldn't be a problem in a relationship, but the fact that he changed it and won't tell me why seemed a bit... weird. And all of a sudden, he's become really secretive and aggressive lately, and he barely replies to my text messages. (For example, he made me wait for him for an hour at a resturaunt without anything but a text saying "wait till 9. i'm busy."
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give him space or if I should ask him about it or not. Every time I try to talk about it, he gets really defensive and turns it back onto me, like I have trust issues or that I'm being too 'clingy'. Am I?
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Old 11-10-2012, 04:05 AM   #2
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I think my girlfriend will be of more help here than me, but that does sound slightly suspicious. However, I can say that after dating CrAzYoNzZ for 2 years, things aren't exactly like they were in the first few months. That isn't necessarily bad - this happens in all relationships. If I were you, I'd sit down and have a very serious talk with him about it because there may be more to it than I am guessing. Personally, I am just a very private person, but that doesn't sound like his case,
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Old 11-10-2012, 11:26 AM   #3
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That is pretty suspicious if he just snapped all of a sudden. But it's best to never make assumptions.
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Old 11-10-2012, 11:43 AM   #4
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When a guy becomes secretive and aggressive it's usually due to a guilty conscience. He may have done something that he feels guilty about, but doesn't know how to deal with it. He's getting frustrated because of this, and so starts to hide things even if it's not of the same topic, and get's angry/aggressive from even the smallest things. This is the same for him being defensive and turning it on you. If he feels guilty he won't want to talk about it and will try to divert the attention to something you've done, even if you haven't done anything wrong. Saying that you have trust issues and that you're being clingy is a popular one really. This is his attempt to make you believe that's the truth, and that you should stop worrying because it's all in your head. Since he's changed his password it may be possible someone has messaged him and he doesn't want you to see it. It isn't exactly going to be another girl, it could be anything. It might not even be bad but he may think you'll take it the wrong way, which is why he doesn't want you to see it. If I was you, I'd leave it for a bit and act as if everything is fine. Most of the time the guilty party ends up confessing to you after a while. If you're too impatient for that or believe it won't happen, I guess you could try and tell him that you don't mind that he's changed his password, you'd just like to know why so you can understand it. I went through something like this with an ex once, but I ended up finding out what it was myself. Sometimes you have to do some digging of your own if you want the truth.

Or I could be wrong.

Good luck, I hope it's nothing too bad.

Edit; Oh yeah SGC, I doubt a girl would know more about how a guy is acting. That's pretty much the reason Miggles is having to ask herself.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:50 PM   #5
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Im going to try to keep this short and simple.

You already know in your mind/heart what you need to do/what you think is going on.

Your just hoping for us to either agree with you that you have grounds to break up or assure you that he loves you and nothing is going on.

You've already figured it out.
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Old 11-10-2012, 08:01 PM   #6
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Im going to try to keep this short and simple.

You already know in your mind/heart what you need to do/what you think is going on.

Your just hoping for us to either agree with you that you have grounds to break up or assure you that he loves you and nothing is going on.

You've already figured it out.
Don't be so assuming. I don't think he's cheating on me and I don't want to break up with him over something as trivial as him wanting to keep his personal Facebook account private. I came here to ask if this was normal behaviour and if it isn't, figure out what it means.

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When a guy becomes secretive and aggressive it's usually due to a guilty conscience. He may have done something that he feels guilty about, but doesn't know how to deal with it. He's getting frustrated because of this, and so starts to hide things even if it's not of the same topic, and get's angry/aggressive from even the smallest things. This is the same for him being defensive and turning it on you. If he feels guilty he won't want to talk about it and will try to divert the attention to something you've done, even if you haven't done anything wrong. Saying that you have trust issues and that you're being clingy is a popular one really. This is his attempt to make you believe that's the truth, and that you should stop worrying because it's all in your head. Since he's changed his password it may be possible someone has messaged him and he doesn't want you to see it. It isn't exactly going to be another girl, it could be anything. It might not even be bad but he may think you'll take it the wrong way, which is why he doesn't want you to see it. If I was you, I'd leave it for a bit and act as if everything is fine. Most of the time the guilty party ends up confessing to you after a while. If you're too impatient for that or believe it won't happen, I guess you could try and tell him that you don't mind that he's changed his password, you'd just like to know why so you can understand it. I went through something like this with an ex once, but I ended up finding out what it was myself. Sometimes you have to do some digging of your own if you want the truth.
Thanks Konata, that actually really helped. The biggest worry I have is whether or not I should be offended about his Facebook password change. It's well within his right to keep his account private, but like you said, anything could be happening, and I suppose that's what I'm nervous about the most. But that happens in every relationship, right? The fear of what happens when you're not around?
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Old 11-10-2012, 09:01 PM   #7
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I wouldn't say that. I trust my girlfriend to do what she wants (although I don't trust some of the people she decides to do them with). all couples argue. It's part of the deal. If you aren't bitching, you aren't in love. It's when you can't resolve an argument that it becomes a problem - which seems to be the case.
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Old 11-11-2012, 04:54 AM   #8
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I guess it's okay to worry when you're not with them sometimes. But it's like SGC said; you should be able to trust your boy/girlfriend, and only be worried if you don't particularly trust who they're with. Unless he's suddenly hanging around with another girl more often or something similar to that I wouldn't be too worried. The Facebook thing is probably an overreaction by him, I think.
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Old 11-11-2012, 12:11 PM   #9
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Old 11-11-2012, 04:33 PM   #10
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but on a serious note perhaps give him an ultimatum. For him to tell you the truth or for the relationship to be put on hold till he can be honest
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