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Old 01-12-2013, 07:45 PM   #1
Konata
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My Life in 100 Short Stories

So I thought yeaaaaaah time for some deep blogging you know. I thought, man, some of these guys have some pretty cool stories on here - real life ones, so why not me? Time to change things. It'll basically be like an auto-biography except it won't really be in order of born>now. So yeaah, decided to start with something completely random I guess;

-Chapter 1; Ball Cramp-
So this happened almost 2 years ago, February 2011. I was in my first year of college, and this was my old college so it was pretty bad. Because it was bad it meant I couldn't easily choose from a lot of subjects and I couldn't change easily either. So after dropping the toss that is Philosophy and Ethics, I was forced to pick up some 'ASDAN' course. But moving on, in this course one of the things we did was host a valentines disco for the younger kids at high school. So the disco was totally boring and stuff, as you'd expect. Only managed to make it decent by using this message board thing to put stupid things on the ceiling of the room it was in. So yeah after it ended all the kids were like being picked up and stuff. These 4 kids were running around outside, and it was pretty dark so this weird nun woman or whatever she was told me to tell them to get inside. So of course I'm loud as shit and pretty much screamed at them to go home. They shat their little panties and toddled off. So after that I turned to walk back into the building, and I feel an intense pain in my balls. My testicles. I literally fell to my knees, and clutched them in agony. The only thing that was going through my mind was "Damn, this feels like cramp.. in my balls". Yeah I have no idea if it was ball cramp, but well, it felt like it. So after a few seconds it stopped, and I stood up again. Luckily nobody was around or that would have been slightly awkward. After that they felt kinda weird but I went back into the hall. First thing I did, is go to one of my friends and ask if they ever had ball cramp. Of course after a few humorous responses and conversation, that all ended. And that's the story of how I experienced ball cramp.
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Old 01-12-2013, 07:54 PM   #2
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Quote:
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So after dropping the toss that is Philosophy and Ethics, I was forced to pick up some 'ASDAN' course.
Made me grin.

Quote:
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So of course I'm loud as shit and pretty much screamed at them to go home. They shat their little panties and toddled off.
Laughing myself stupid here.

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The only thing that was going through my mind was "Damn, this feels like cramp.. in my balls". Yeah I have no idea if it was ball cramp, but well, it felt like it.
The way you put it makes me p*** myself, I also feel guilty for laughing at the pain you went through.

You really did start that off with a random story, alright. Keep them coming.
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Old 01-12-2013, 08:07 PM   #3
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I guess I won't be having Hot Dogs for dinner after all...
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Old 01-12-2013, 08:12 PM   #4
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Lol, this story is amazing.

Tell me another, Kona-chan! :3
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Old 01-12-2013, 08:47 PM   #5
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Lol respect. Funny story.

Don't make fun of me cause my story was actually intense and deep man!!
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Old 01-12-2013, 10:00 PM   #6
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Old 01-13-2013, 01:03 PM   #7
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And then he messages me on Facebook that he's going to struggle to get to a hundred stories.
GIVE HIM ENCOURAGEMENT, BRETHREN AND SISTERIN!!!
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Old 01-13-2013, 01:25 PM   #8
Konata
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Oh guys/girls thankyou! This next one is sliiiightly deeper than the first.

-Chapter 2; Jem-
This takes place around what I'd call the prime years of my life. Everything was pretty much perfect and it was all about enjoying life. I'd go out every weekend and pop bottles with the lads and various slags who somehow wandered out of their houses past their curfews and actually made it all the way to the park without being either kidnapped or managing to put a on a thong so tight they actually anally rape themselves with it. So as usual I was finding out who'd be going down and who'd be spending the most cash, y'know - I don't wanna be spending loads when I can drink other peoples stuff. I'm browsing Facebook after and then up pops a message from some random girl I've never spoken to, AKA Jemma. Amazingly she lives in the same street as me but we'd never even met. That was pretty crazy. Thinking she's decent, and doesn't seem to be busy, I ask her if she's interesting in going out with me & the others on Friday, which was one of our various drinking nights. She agreed to come. Friday comes, and it's raining. I'm like on a downer since I used to hate staying in especially when I had something planned. Then one of my friends calls me and is like, how about me & you go Jems for a party? I'm like LOL 3 person party? Invite the rest? The others had apparently either gone down in the rain or just stayed in and ignored any calls/texts because well, some British people are ignorant like that. But anyway I had nothing better to do so I went down since it was like a 2 minute walk. It was a bit awkward at first since I was sorta sitting there thinking damn this could NOT get any worse, and Jem + Mark were pretty much doing the same. After a while we decided to just start drinking, and then the "party" began. Gotta admit, I was having a great time even though there was a lack of people, but I guess it's quality over quantity. Unless it's money or boobs. So after a while I was lying on a couch singing, and Jem is suddenly sitting on me, killing my stomach. Then suddenly, the next minute CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED. The next morning, I wake up in her bed, she's sleeping next to me. Of course I had the choice of just getting up and walking out, but you know, I'm too much of a family man to make mistakes like that (basically, I'm not Gareth), so I stayed. A few days later after the drama of prerequisites for relationships, I asked her out, and she accepted me. FOR THE REAL ME. FOR WHO I AM ON THE INSIDE. etc & stuff. And that's the story of how me & Jem started dating.
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Old 01-13-2013, 01:54 PM   #9
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Unless it's money or boobs. So after a while I was lying on a couch singing, and Jem is suddenly sitting on me, killing my stomach. Then suddenly, the next minute CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED. The next morning, I wake up in her bed, she's sleeping next to me. Of course I had the choice of just getting up and walking out, but you know, I'm too much of a family man to make mistakes like that (basically, I'm not Gareth), so I stayed.
You WISH it was worthy of censorship. We kissed/made out. That's about it, I'm not the type of person who would just start touching/sexing and stuff like that straight away.
Lmfao at "(basically, I'm not Gareth)". Poor Gareth.

Lolol you should have said how your friend went to your house and the little story he told your mum.
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Old 01-13-2013, 02:01 PM   #10
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Awh Nigga that is just so kawaii.

I'm liking this thread my man, keep it up.
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