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Old 06-23-2014, 02:46 PM   #1
Kid Dynamite
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Constantly Worrying About My Father's Death

Hey All.

My father is 78yo and I'm constantly thinking about what my life will be like when he's gone. Not one day goes by that I don't worry about it. It's really depressing the hell out of me. One could say that I should just focus on the time I have with him now and make the best of it. I gotta tell you, that provides me little comfort. I've heard it said that no matter how much you mentally prepare for such a thing it still delivers a strong blow when it actually happens. Do any of you feel this way about a loved one?

-Jason
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Old 06-23-2014, 02:55 PM   #2
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When my Grandad was in hospital and it was inevitable he was going to die, I wasn't upset at all. I just got on with my life because right then, he was alive. Nobody in my family (that I knew) had died before, and it wasn't until the day he did die that it started to hurt. Knowing you'll never see someone again is such a hard feeling to explain. You can't prepare for it, so I pretend it's not going to happen. There's no point in feeling down about something that hasn't happened yet.
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Old 06-23-2014, 03:01 PM   #3
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As humans, we like to prepare for worst case scenarios and even worry ourselves sick. I'm a prime example of doing such things. However, it's unhealthy and unproductive. Everyone eventually dies. There is a beginning and an end. The universe is black and white in that sense. You CAN'T prepare for something that has not happened yet. You can try to mentally coach yourself but honestly it's not worth it.

Tell your father how you feel and try to resolve any conflicts and hard feelings you may harbor towards him. It would make you feel better, at least IMO. Be open about your anxieties and concerns. He's not that old and if his condition is not life threatening or near death, I wouldn't worry myself sick over it. It's honestly not worth the pain.

If anything, try grief counseling. It can rest your mind once the event happens.
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Old 06-23-2014, 10:15 PM   #4
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Ever since my own dad died. I have dreams about my family members dying. It occurs more the less I sleep. There's some things I do to ignore the thoughts but they always come back too.
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Old 06-24-2014, 01:28 PM   #5
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I agree with what Konata and Hakuryuu said. Being open and honest about your anxieties like Hakuryuu said would be helpful.

I have never had to experience the death of a close loved one, yet. The only death I experienced was that of an acquaintance that ended up committing suicide.
As for the thought of a loved one dying, there are times it'll cross my mind, and it can be debilitating when I dwell on it. It's best not to dwell on the fleeting thought though. It will most likely cause more harm than good in preparing you for when the day will come.

One of my life motto's is that the future will take care of itself. What and when something will happen can't really be changed, and most things can never be prepared for, but we aren't there yet.

I know you said people have told you to enjoy the time you have with him now, but that's probably the best thing you can do.

I hope this won't keep weighing you down for too long.
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Old 06-24-2014, 02:46 PM   #6
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Worrying about things before they happen is always 100% useless. I know it's easier said than done and I too worry about how I'm gonna handle it when one or both of my parents go, but it's best to live happy and stress-free until that time comes.
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