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Old 09-28-2008, 07:57 AM   #1
marvman3
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A collection of sayings about Religion

This thread is dedicated to religious comments/quotes....

Enjoy them, laugh at them, find inspration in them,
defy them, argue about them, but please...

Do not be offended by them or take them too seriously....


Please do not be afraid to post some of your own.

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Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
- Oscar Wilde


I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
- Woody Allen


If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain


The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists - that is why they invented hell.
- Bertrand Russell



The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns


Isn't it crazy with all these church scandals? I'm beginning to understand how all those Bibles ended up in hotel rooms.
- Jay Leno


The U.S. Cardinals said they are going to develop a code of ethics to help them deal with the sexual scandal. Wait a minute, I thought their already was a code of ethics, it's called the Bible.
- Jay Leno



Don't tell me you're a Christian. Let me figure it out.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.


God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire
The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. ~Richard Burton


I believe in God; I just don't trust anyone who works for him. ~Author unknown


There's something in every atheist, itching to believe, and something in every believer, itching to doubt. ~Mignon McLaughlin


God made so many different kinds of people. Why would he allow only one way to serve him? ~Martin Buber


This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. ~Dalai Lama

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
- Lily Tomlin


When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off.
- Stephen King


If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
- William Sunday


In God We Trust. Everyone else pays cash.
- Unknown CEO


It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui. ~Helen Keller

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. ~Jonathan Swift, Miscellanies, 1711


You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
- Yassar Arafat


The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
- George Bernard Shaw


Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.


The man who is always worrying whether or not his soul would be damned generally has a soul that isn't worth a damn.

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. ~Author Unknown

Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer. ~Author Unknown


Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God. ~Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972

The last Christian died on the cross. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
- G. K. Chesterton


Organized religion: The world's largest pyramid scheme.
- Bernard Katz


There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as The Dark Ages.
- Ruth Hurmence Green


Where knowledge ends, religion begins.
-Benjamin Disraeli



Will add more in time....

Rockn.
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Old 09-28-2008, 08:01 AM   #2
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Awesome thread Marvs
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Old 09-28-2008, 11:47 AM   #3
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Those are some really good ones.

I don't have any ones off the top of my head, but I may remember some later.

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Old 09-28-2008, 05:19 PM   #4
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Christianity

The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove from your soul an evil force that is present in humanity because a woman made out of some dirt and a rib bone was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.....
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Old 09-28-2008, 06:17 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ender View Post
Christianity

The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove from your soul an evil force that is present in humanity because a woman made out of some dirt and a rib bone was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.....
I dont get it...lol

I like the Jay Leno one about the Bibles in the hotel rooms LOL
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Old 09-28-2008, 10:22 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeanMi View Post
I dont get it...lol
It's supposed to be about Adam and Eve.

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