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Old 01-12-2010, 08:46 PM   #1
Brandyn
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Post The Parallel World

This is my story that I wrote for an English assignment. So I thought I'd share it on the forum. It's about a good man who becomes fed up with his life after being passed over for a promotion at work despite working his fingers to the bone for a decade. He then realizes that nice guys finish last, and wishes for a world where everyone is nice and life is fair. But is the grass greener on the other side? Tell me what you think.

The Parallel World
John walked miserably down the street. He couldnít believe what just happened to him. For over ten years, he had slaved at his job, doing the absolute best he could, all to satisfy his boss. He was a very kind man with a good soul, but apparently being good in this world does not matter. Instead of getting a promotion, he was demoted, and the office jerk was the one who got the promotion. It wasnít fair. John was a hard worker and the best one at the office, as his evaluations would prove. But no, the boss did not want someone who worked hard; he simply wanted the office kiss-up who made him feel better about himself.
The sky darkened over the city; huge ominous clouds filled the sky as rain began to pour, perfect to match Johnís mood. Why couldnít the world be a nice place? Where everybody was kind and treated fairly? He closed his eyes and wished for a world where everybody liked everybody and everyone was kind.
"So you think life is unfair?" said a strange voice from the darkness. John whipped around to see a man in a long black trench coat and hat. The man was shrouded in shadow, and a cigarette hung out the right side of his mouth, the red light glowing in the dark. "You want to go to a world where everything is Ďfairí and everyone is Ďnice?í"
"Who are you?!" demanded John.
"Well do you want a glimpse of the parallel world?" asked the strange man ignoring Johnís question. The man proceeded to walk menacingly over to John slowly. John did not know whether to run or stand his ground. He stood his ground as the man stopped in front of him and held out his hand.
"Grab my hand, John."
"How did you know my name?!" demanded John, "this is not funny!"
The stranger grabbed Johnís hand, and John fell unconscious.
John woke up in his house, in his bed. He was in his night gear and it looked as though nothing had changed. He put on his clothes and went outside.
When John stepped outside it was a bright and sunny day. The sky was ocean blue, and the ambience consisted of chirping birds and cars passing about the street. As John strolled down the street wondering what that strange man had done, he noticed that everybody he passed by was smiling. All the houses were nice and orderly, and all the lawns were neat and perfectly trimmed. Every single person that passed John greeted him with a friendly "hello!" John smiled meagerly and said "hello" back to everybody that had passed him. Everywhere John looked, people held the doors open for one another, everybody was still smiling, and everyone said "hello" to everyone that they passed. Also, everybody looked very glossy and neat. Shirts tucked in, ironed and pressed, and not a stitch out of order. Thoughts raced through John's mind at the speed of light. In a world that appeared so pleasant, he felt so out of order. He felt like an alien on earth. He could not believe it. Had that mysterious man actually somehow have teleported John to "the Parallel World?" Was that man some sort of angel? God?
The next day, John went to work. When he walked into the building, everyone again had a smile on their face, and gave him a warm friendly greeting. This has to be a dream, thought John. There is simply no way that everybody in the world is really this nice. It was somewhat beggining to creep him out and annoy him. John got to his cubicle and got to work.
Later that day, John's boss Mr. Warner handed out the weekly paychecks. When John glanced at the figure, he was a bit shocked. It was more than he usually made.
"Um, sir," said John, "there appears to be something weird about my paycheck."
"No," said Mr.Warner kindly, "that's what you usually make."
John was shocked. "So, have I recieved a promotion?" he asked. Mr. Warner chuckled lightheartedly at the question. "No," said Mr. Warner nicely, "there are no promotions. To keep it fair, everybody makes the exact same amount of money."
"Oh," said John. It made sense; in a world that is nice and fair, everybody makes the same amount of money at their workplaces so nobody is higher on the social chain than another. Well, it was good news for him, since this was much more money than he usually made in one week. A nice perk to this "Parallel World."
 
At the end of the day, John was gathering his materials to go home. He looked up, and Peterson was at his desk smiling. In the Real World, Peterson was the office jerk who did not do much work, but got over by being the boss's suck-up and bossing all the other employees around. Peterson had a sincere smile on his face as he looked at John who was gathering his items into his briefcase. "Ready to go?" he asked.
"Um, sure," said John. He and Peterson strolled down the hall to the elevator, greeting other smiling employees as they left.
"So how are you these days?" asked Peterson nicely with utter sincerity. Compared to the "real" Peterson, Parallel World Peterson was incredibly sweet and selfless. The complete opposite of his Real World counterpart and it was taking John a while to get used to him.
"I am fine, thanks for asking," said John.
"What are your plans, John?" asked Peterson. "It is Friday night, and surely a man like you shouldn't be alone. Do you want to go to dinner with me and a couple other guys on our team?"
John suppressed a sigh. He was still getting used to the Parallel World, and besides that he really just did not feel like hanging out with Peterson. He faked a yawn and gently declined the offer.
"It's okay," said Peterson sounding somewhat disappointed as they made their way into the car garage. "Perhaps another time then." Peterson bid John good day and they went their seperate ways towards their cars. After that, John actually did feel bad about not hanging out with Peterson, and debated for a minute about tracking him down and going out to eat with him.
 
A couple weeks passed. John decided to just drive around the city. Again, all the houses were neat, all their lawns perfect. Yet plain. He noticed that nobody had lawn decorations. Then he figured, it was probably so that nobody could have a better lawn on the block than anyone else to keep everything "fair and equal." John sighed. All the citizens were smiling and greeting one another, all looking nice but plain because they all looked the same. Shirts tucked in, hair neat, looking professional. John stopped at the red light. As he looked around (while greeting the drivers around him with a friendly "hello"), he noticed that nobody's car was really "nicer" than another. Everyone had a new model car that looked great. The sky was bright blue again. Where John lived in the Real World, it was often gray and rainy. But every single day literally, the sky was bright blue and sunny. John drove by the spot where the Police Station once stood. And then he noticed--it was not there. Instead, it was a Fast food establishment. But of course! If every single person in the world is polite and curteous, what be the need for Police? John parked, walked around Time Square, and went to his local News stand. As he flipped through the newspaper (while smiling and saying hello to all that passed by), he noticed there was no news of crime, war, or anything negative. The news mainly consisted of positive articles such as charity, improvements in science, new hot spots for the city, etc. The obituary was there, but it was not really about people who were murdered. People that simply died of natural causes, old age, or maybe accidents, but no murder. No Amber Alerts or "Wanted" ads. It was too much for John to handle. He admited it to himself; he just could not stand living in a perfect world. Not because he wanted for there to be depressing news or anything negative, but because it was too plain and boring. Everyone was too nice, and because of everything in this Parallel World having to be equal, nobody was really better than anyone else or worse. Everyone dressed nicely but again they all looked the same. There was no diversity, or really any culture what-so-ever. Nobody had their own distinct personalities; everybody had the same goody-two-shoes personality and even John was tired of it. John threw the paper to the ground and stormed off towards his car. He bumped into a man and knocked him to the ground. It was a mistake, but John did not apologize. Suddenly, all was quiet. Many had witnessed John bump into the man, and were appauled that he did not apologize. John looked around in all directions to see everybody was aghast, as if not failing to apologize was completely taboo, a crime that should be punishable by death. A woman fainted, and people stared at John with daggers in their eyes. John ignored them and proceeded to his car.He heard whispers in the crowd. People backed away from John as he passed them, as if he was deadly to the touch.
On his way home, the sky darkened, which was highly unusal for this world. The omnious clouds filled the sky as water rained down and flooded John's windshield. John was desperate. He had enough. There was such thing as "too much of a good thing" after all. Paradise became boring, and John realized that not only were people in this world "perfect" in personality, it was a requirement. John suddenly passed by a familiar figure in a trenchcoat and hat. He screeched his car to a halt and leaped out of his car, bounding towards the trenchcoat man. The man was smoking his cigar, his face still shrouded in shadow.
"I want to go back!" said John, "please! Life is much easier in my world!"
"But life is not supposed to be easy," said the man, "and besides, not everyone in your world is this nice."
"Yes," said John, "but at least my world is more realistic and culturally diverse! I cannot stand it here! Everyone is too nice and there is no balance!"
The man chuckled in his deep, gritty voice. "And now you have learned, John," said the man. "Close your eyes."
John obeyed and did so. He felt a chilling, omnious wind. When he opened his eyes, the man was gone. He looked around excitedly as hardly anyone was smiling, and not that unrealistic smile. People passed one another as ghosts in day, and it seemed John was back in the Real World. It was no longer raining, and the sky was bright blue and sunny.
 

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Old 01-12-2010, 10:15 PM   #2
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interesting....very interesting
i like it....you should continue it or something =)
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Old 01-12-2010, 10:29 PM   #3
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Thanks, I'll see what grade I get for it first XD
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Old 01-12-2010, 11:49 PM   #4
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A+++
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:29 PM   #5
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Giant wall of text. Ew.

Split it into paragraphs, it makes it easier on the eyes. Also, during conversation, put a space each time the speaker changes.

The story in general isn't that bad, though.
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:43 PM   #6
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Thanks for the nice feedback, guys. Although I am a little embarrassed now, lol. I don't know what I was thinking when I posted this, I can usually write stuff much better (my reviews are not really a good representation of my writing, I guess. I can write good stories)
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