Originally Posted by Toa Lord Sothe
THE ARTICLES OF MANLINESS
—As dictated by TLS—
The Cardinal Rule of all Manliness: BROS BEFORE HOES.
Article Number 1: Manliness has nothing to do with Dangly Parts, or the length of said Dangly Parts.
Dangly Parts aren't even really required, as I myself have known many the Manly Woman, or Manly Eunuch.
** Sub Article 1: Manliness is directly correlated to a measurement of balls, not balls as in actual testicles but balls as in fortitude.
*** Sub Article 2: Fortitude is defined as the courage to stand up for what you believe in at some personal expense, not always through violence but very frequently so.
Article Number 2: Chivalry is Not Dead, if you are in the presence of a Woman or a "Man-Bitch" you are to open doors for them, lay your Jacket over puddles for them and help them when scaling or dismounting a wall or step of some kind.
This also expands to young children and the elderly.
** Sub Article 1: If a Woman has proven herself to have more Balls than you these rules are null and void. If you choose to follow the rules of this article regardless expect an ass-whipping or verbal retribution.
*** Sub Article 2: If wearing a badass long coat, a suede jacket, or a kimono of some kind, the "Jacket Rule" is suspended.
Article Number 3: In a Sport or Game a real man favors style over victory, why win a game of smash with the same boring tactics when you can chain together all of Captain Falcon's Specials for a dramatic KO before your demise?
** Sub Article 1: If the fate of yourself, a loved one or the universe is placed on the outcome of the game, you’d better ****ing win.
Article Number 4: If a law is unjust its only purpose is to be broken.
** Sub Article 1: Be forewarned, a real man is willing to accept the consequences of his actions be they illegal or otherwise, if you can't handle the consequences of breaking a law, be it unjust or not, then don't do it.
Article Number 5: If you use a sword, it must be a Broadsword or a Katana.
Article Number 6: If you use a gun, it must be a Revolver or a Laser Weapon.
Article Number 7: Name your signature attacks, for when the internet explodes with your fortitude they can quote something endlessly for the rest of the internet's existence.
Article Number 8: Watch only the best Anime.
Article Number 9: Do not believe in yourself, believe in your blood brother, he believes in you, therefore you believe in yourself.
Article Number 10: You must be able to impregnate women and men alike with your singing voice.
Article 11: You must NOT emulate Chuck Norris.
Article 12: If the world operates on rule of cool, then be the coolest.
Article 13: A Real Man pays for Birth Control.
Article 14: A Real Man loses his virginity on a helicopter.
Article 15: Be Genre Savvy.
Article 16: A Real Man may only break dance if he learned to do so for the purpose of fighting.
Article 17: When faced with a moral compromise between choosing to save the few and choosing to save the many, you don't choose your friend, your lover, the few or the many.
You take a third option.
Article 18: No matter how badass you are, no matter how manly you, no matter how many people idolize you.
Remember...Even Bad Men love their Mommas
Article 19: If thou must follow the ways of a mimetic badass, follow the example of Mr. Samuel L. BMF Jackson.
Article 20: There is no such thing as a "Pimp" or a "Player"; there are only Sluts and Whores.
Even if you have dangly parts, engaging in frequent sex with strangers will grant you the status "Man-hoe"
** Sub Article 1: This isn't always a bad thing.
Article 21: Real Men drink Vodka.
Article 22: Real Men DO NOT play GTA.
Article 23: A Real Man must be smart enough to counter even the most elaborate of Xanatos Gambits.
Article 24: You don't have to be Crazy Prepared to be a Real Man...It just helps.
Article 25: A Real Man is not permitted to like Vampires from any series aside from these listed below.
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Anything in the Bram Stoker Mythos
Article 26: If you are good at something, do it well.
**Sub Article 1: If you do something well, never do it for free.
Article Number 27: If a real man is a fighter, then he must invent his own style.
Article Number 28: Anyone who qualifies as a "Badass Normal" is granted man status, even if they violate every other one of these rules.
Article Number 29: "It's not about living forever; it's about living with yourself forever."
Article Number 30: A real man must be ready and willing to punch out Chtulu, and not just Chtulu either, it could be a dragon, a deity or a devil.
Whatever it is, you gotta have the sack to stand up to it.
** Sub Article 1: For bonus points see, "Did you just flip off Chtulu!?"
Article Number 31: A real man is not ashamed to like pink, nor have girly habits.
** Sub Article 1: If you think about it nothing can really be considered girly, as Ishida from Bleach shows us, even Sewing can be hardcore.
Article Number 32: A Real Man must posses a hat.
Article Number 33: If any of these rules are violated the offender is dubbed a "Man Bitch"
Article Number 34: Anyone may suggest an amendment or a new rule.
Article Number 35: There are exceptions to all rules, as long as you make it awesome.
Article Number 36: A Real Man is not allowed to use any of the listed characters in a fighting game.
Chaos (Melty Blood)
Ishida (ANY BLEACH GAME EVER)
Emerl (Sonic Battle)
Cervantes (Soul Calibur)
If any of these characters are used man bitch status is instantly applied.
First Manly Amendment: A Real Men need not read what he already knows. ~ E-123 Omega.
**Sub Amendment 1: He must read it out loud for the youth of the world. ~ Best Alchemist.
Second Manly Amendment: All men must follow their own code. ~ Dr. Samuel Francis Peace.
Third Manly Amendment: All men must have owned, ridden, or laid eyes on a Sexcopter, Sexmarine or Sex Bankai. ~ Dr. Samuel Leroy Peace.
Fourth Manly Amendment: All men shall be able to wield weapons 10 times their weight or size. ~ Mario776.
Fifth Manly Amendment: Real Men show emotions and aren't afraid to cry manly tears. ~ Dr. Samuel Decias Peace.
Sixth Manly Amendment: Real Men shall not violate the unspoken law of faithfulness to their significant other, under any circumstances. ~ Dr. Samuel Thanatos Peace.
Seventh Manly Amendment: Real Men do not back away from a challenge. ~ Valsion.
**Sub Amendment 1: Unless of course they're going to go grab a bigger sword. ~ Toa Lord Sothe.
Eight Manly Amendment: A Real Man, regardless of age or gender, may not own a lap dog.
**Sub Amendment 1: Amendment Eight has been voided.
Have you EVER seen a guy carrying a little Chihuahua or a French poodle around in a little man-purse, and thought "wow, that guy is the SHIT. He is a badass mother****er."
I would call him a badass mother****er because actually has balls to that while others will ever be caught dead in that.
So if I actually ever see a guy like that I would give him major props ‘cause I know I would never be able to do that.
***Sub Amendment 2: Poodles are still not okay.
Eighth Manly Amendment: Sexual Orientation is not relevant in the discussion of manliness. ~ Awl
Ninth Manly Amendment: Real Men walk softly and carry a big stick. ~ Dr. Samuel Orion Peace.
Tenth Manly Amendment: A Real Man does not speak ill of the dead. ~Travis Touchdown
Eleventh Manly Amendment: A Real Man does not conceal any weapon besides a Shuriken/Kunai, a Butterfly Knife or Sword hidden in a cane. ~ AOTK
** Sub Amendment: This is expanded to knives hidden inside boots, sandals with steel plating on the bottom, and guns hidden inside canes.
Sub Category 1: Some groups just have an inherent manliness to them, and I think it is time I compiled a list.
Note: Being "Cool" does not put you on this list; to be on this list the entire group needs to have some of the Manly Amendments as the backbone of their creed.
Russian Revolution to WW2 Era Soviets
The Coast Guard
The Colbert Nation
Sub Category 2: Ninjas are indeed manly, so I have decided to classify what qualifies as a Ninja and what does not.
To be a ninja you need three things.
Information Gathering Ability
Without these things a Ninja you are not.
Also, converse to popular belief, clothing does not a ninja make, putting a black t-shirt over your head and dressing in all black is rather the opposite of stealthy, unless of course you do it at night.
However, what about the opposite?
Dressing in bright colors or in clothing that would be hard to fight in is becoming more and more popular amongst modern "ninjas".
Well does that make them still ninjas?
Yes, and better ninjas at that.
To be able to sneak up on someone dressed in black in the middle of the night is nothing.
But sneaking up on someone dressed in road cone orange in the middle of the day while they're getting a scone, now that is skill.
Note: If they are not getting a scone, then you just fail at life.
Sub-Category 3: Do not be a troll.
A real man is willing to live and let live, as should you; real men don't troll.
Sub-Statute Sub Statue:
Sub's Statue to be Erected here in the future.