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Old 12-16-2010, 10:58 PM   #1
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Orchestra Man.

When I was younger, me and my sister use to be best friends, we even finished each other’s sentences. I had an unusual gift, that we kept a secret. I could form orchestras and play any song to my liking with a thought. Of course it wasn’t a group of people that gathered to play for me, they appeared like ghosts, but very colorful, kind of like a hologram, but when I played, there was an aura that flowed, and twists around. And the people that they looked like, well anyone I could imagine. I use to take my sister to our hideout and play for her, where no one could see us!

She loved each melody I played, and some even made her cry, happy tears. With time passing our parents got divorced, and as a result I and my sister were split up, only seeing each other on weekends. Then when I was 17 my sister got very sick, we didn’t know what, but then, we found out. She was diagnosed with leukemia, and on the day she died she asked me:“Can you play one more song for me Jake?” she said in a tired whisper, and I said: “One more?” as I cried, she shook her head up and down, and I played for her, crying my eyes out, and feeling like I dry swallowed a pill.

When I was done her eyes were closed, and I told her: “If only I played more, maybe I could have saved you.” I kissed her forehead crying, my heart felt like a stone, and my body, felt like an empty shell. My father put his hand on my shoulder, as my mother sobbed, he said: “Son I’m sorry.” crying and sobbing I turned around and left the hospital, walking out of the hospital I heard no sound, or feel the tingling of my skin.


(This is just the beginning of the first page.)
It's a little raa, but all the errors or anything i'll buff out. Or maybe add more.
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Old 12-17-2010, 12:40 PM   #2
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wow. if it is real (and i can confirm it since i can ask your brothr) im very sorry to hear it.
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Old 12-17-2010, 02:47 PM   #3
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wow. if it is real (and i can confirm it since i can ask your brothr) im very sorry to hear it.
What..?
My book is still in its raw form. Once i finish it i will add mor to it, and takeout any plot holes, Spelling errors, miss puctuations, and so on. I'm only on the second chapter of 10-15
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Old 12-17-2010, 03:37 PM   #4
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Pretty good so far, I must say.
I just love this kind of thing, so magical and mysterious. X3
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Old 12-17-2010, 03:41 PM   #5
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Pretty good so far, I must say.
I just love this kind of thing, so magical and mysterious. X3
Thanks.
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Old 12-17-2010, 09:22 PM   #6
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It's nice, I just hate giant walls of text. they hurt my eyes. Maybe try a little more spacing? There's a big difference in reading the page of a book, and reading from a screen.
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Old 12-17-2010, 10:14 PM   #7
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It wasn't that much text...
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Old 12-17-2010, 10:35 PM   #8
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It wasn't that much text...
I'm just telling him that it needs spacing is all.
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Old 12-17-2010, 10:48 PM   #9
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Good for an opening I guess...
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Old 12-18-2010, 01:37 AM   #10
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lol
Well this was copy pasted.. In a book there ain't a lot of spaces to in one page you can put without a 5 page worth of words turning into 8.
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