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Old 04-18-2011, 06:51 PM   #1
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Avatar the last Airbender: Arceus and the Jewel of life

This is my third fanfic which is a crossover as usual. So please read and enjoy.

Avatar the last Airbender: Arceus and the Jewel of life

Chaper one: The wishes of an Avatar and the answer of the Original One

A few days passed since the defeat of Fire Lord Ozai and the end of the war. Team Avatar decided to stay at Ba Sing Se for about a week.[

"Hard to believe that it's been almost a week since Aang defeated that Loser King Ozai!", said Sokka snidely about that now-former firebender Ozai, who has been stripped of his ability by the Avatar in order to stop him from conquering the Nations, and the new Fire Lord Zuko had him locked up as punishment for trying to take over the world.

But lately, Aang was feeling a bit empty inside even though he a his friensds and his girlfriend, Katara with him.

"Still mourning for your fellow Airbenders that Fire Lord Sozin killed?", asked Katara with a concerned tone to Aang."Yeah, I just wish there was some way to bring them back." Aang said solemly

Meanwhile, in the Hall of Origin...

"Say, Star, do I hear someone from another world wishing that there is someway he could bring his people back to life?", asked Arceus to Star, as if hearing Aang. Star is the mate of Arceus. She was slighty shorter than Arceus, had cream color fur with a gray underside, blue eyes and a selver cross wheel around her abdomen.

"Yes, I believe so." Star replied. "Maybe I'll grant his wish, but, I'm considering having whoever I've heard prove himself first", said Arceus. Before Arceus left he told Star, "Your in charge of the legendary council and watching over this planet okay." "Understood." Star replied."Yeah, I kinda agree with Twinkletoes on having his people be brought back, I'd like to prove myself in a fight against an Airbender", said Toph

Meanwhile..

Arceus opened a portal to the Avatar world and found himself at the Earth Kingdom. To keep from being spotted in his true form, Arceus assumes a disguise

Arceus decided to transform into his human form. In human form, He was 6 feet tall. with green eyes and his hair flowed down to his neck which was whit with streaks of black. He wore a black undershirt with a white and gold long sleeve vest with gold cuffs. He also wore white pants and white shoes and a golden crosswheel at the waist.

Arceus then began his search for Aang which started at the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se.

As the disguised Arceus pushes on, he came upon a gang of thugs waiting to take a crack at him. "Hey, let's swipe this guy's cuffs! I'm dang sure they'll get us tons of gold pieces!", said the leading thug. Arceus only smirked at the thugs and charged a small orb of lght which split into smaller meteors and hit the thugs, knocking them out.

But a stray meteor hit a cabbage cart which was detroyed upon impact scattering soime cabbages on the street. This cabbage cart belonged to a mechent who yelled, "MY CABBAGES!" and also added, "Why does this kind of thing always happen to me."

Arceus saw it and shouted apologeticly, "Sorry!"

Before passing out from getting hit from that blast, the lead thug says weakly, "How did you do that-*chokes*"Arceus exclaimed in a stern tone, "I am Arceus, the Creator of the universe, and God of pokemon."

"Arceus...fitting name...", said the thug who then passes out. Arceus then pressed on to the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Sae.
Meanwhile, the "gaang" (get it?) was having a conversation when Aang felt a strange presence...

Outside the home, Arceus kncked on the door saying, "Hello, I am looking for the Avatar." "You're looking at him", said Aang to the disguised legendary slightly proudly.

Arceus then came inside and greeted Aang and his friends. "So, stranger", started Sokka, "What do you want the Avatar for, and what's with this get-up?"

Arceus sat down and answered. "I come here to grant Aang's wish, but first, I will reveal my true form." Arceus glowed and transformed in to a majestic equine like being who was white with a gray undersiede, green eyes with red pupils, and had a golden cross wheel around his abdomen.

"Wow!", said Sokka. Aang asked Arceus, "So, Arceus, what did you come here for?"

"From my home, the Hall of Origin, I see all, know all, and hear all. I have heard of your desire to bring all of your Airbender companions back to life, and I am capable of such a thing, but I want you to prove yourself first, by defeating me in battle", explained the mighty Poke-god "I will accept your challenge!" Aang said with determination.

End of Chapter

Well, What do you think. I left a bit of a cliffhanger. So remember to review. Though this chapter may be a bit short, the later ones will be longer.

Last edited by Alpha Dialga; 04-21-2011 at 10:03 PM.
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Old 04-18-2011, 09:11 PM   #2
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Decent enough, I suppose.
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Old 04-19-2011, 01:29 AM   #3
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You don't describe anything. at all. there is absolutely no adjective use whatsoever. You jsut assume your readers know what everything looks like. Also, how is Arceus a fitting name? it isn't a real world. It has no definition.
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Old 04-19-2011, 08:56 AM   #4
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Arceus is a fitting name becaue It starts with the letter A, which is the same way the word Asskicker starts, duh.

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Old 04-19-2011, 08:48 PM   #5
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hey, I'll have you guys know that I'm helping him with this story, just as I've helped him with that Pokemon/Zelda crossover!
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:33 PM   #6
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hey, I'll have you guys know that I'm helping him with this story, just as I've helped him with that Pokemon/Zelda crossover!
That explains a lot...
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:12 PM   #7
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you insulting us?!
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Old 04-20-2011, 08:14 PM   #8
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you insulting us?!
Don't take anything SuperGamebroski says to heart.
I'll be honest, though. I don't think two writers working on one piece is such a good idea. But it's your story, do whatever you'd like with it.
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Old 04-20-2011, 09:56 PM   #9
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you insulting us?!
You assuming things? It appears that way...

I'm simply saying that you are still learning the basics your self. You aren't at the level of writing where you should be trying helping others. there is no such thing as writing perfectly. There will always be errors, and everything you write can always be made better. You're still learning how to identify these things yourself. Furthermore, you disregard any critique that more experienced writers like myself or anyone else on this forum offer you. if you can't learn how to improve yourself, how can you teach someone else how to improve? You can't. It's the blind leading the blind.
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Old 04-21-2011, 09:15 AM   #10
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it's not MY story, it's me and Alpha's story!
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