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Old 04-19-2011, 09:28 AM   #1
Final Flourish
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Lightbulb Sonic The Hedgehog: Hero's Invocation.

Sonic The Hedgehog: Hero's Invocation





Chapter one: The kindling.

A vast luscious forest stretched its lands toward the horizons, declaring its lands to be infinitely vast and green. A blue stream which broke through the homogenous greens rode the curves of its watery track, until meeting a cliff and plunging down into its warm-watered brother and continuing its continuous watery road. A faltering tree stroked by the persuasive wind danced its newborn on the tip of its branch. Another stroke of the wind caused the branch to release its newborn and the pinnacle of life to plummet down to the grassy earth, where it yearned for nurturance. A rustle in the grass sounded, and just as quick as it had died a furry figure jumped into the clearing and neared the newborn with voraciousness. Its ambition, its life purpose was to harvest the life of this fallen newborn. The furry animal handled the newborn to certify the newborns end as nature intended it to be so. Suddenly the ears of the furry animal twitched in alarm and it abandoned the newborn to seek shelter from the coming noise. A fury of paces was heard from the distance and grew to be within earshot in astonishing speed. As the pacing reached its climax a blue figure appeared and disappeared in the blink of an eye into the teeming forest. The newborn, propelled by the wind of the figure, was swept into an underlying surface in the greens where it was safe from harm and able to fully grow in due time.


The blue figure paved a way through the bushes and the leaves with the velocity of his footing. He seemed to disappear and reappear in the forest, reaching unforeseeable locations at unanticipated speeds. The figure made a leap over a blue stream toward a sitting large rock partly engulfed by the stream and made another jump toward the other side, landing successfully and jetting into the teeming forest once again after a split-second of rebalancing. The figure jumped into a bushy platform provided by a nearby tree and jumped out in front of him, catching onto a vine which swung him way over the forest, free from the enclosed atmosphere the forest maintained. The blue figure let go of the vine and was propelled upward into the vast blue infinite sky. Another yellow figure neared the blue one so that he was within the blue figure’s vision. They exchanged waves, waves not made by strangers but of long accustomed companions. The blue figure sealed his eyes as began to descend back into the forest daintily while the yellow figure remained flying in the sky effortlessly. Suddenly the smell of crisping wood and widespread struggle filled the air. The yellow figure above floated observantly closer down to the forest and let out a grief of horror.


“Sonic, something’s wrong.”


Exclaimed the yellow figure as he floated nearer to the earth. As the blue figure moved speedily through the jam-packed forest he came to a steep downslope. The blue figure peered down the cliff and saw that there was a forest familiar to him of equal vastness and green laying below, fire fondling the trunks of the trees and dancing havoc on their earth, each foxtrot of the flame splitting into more fiery dancers to permeate the incineration of the forest. The fires burned and spread, spread and burned without rest. They danced without ever leaving a sign of lethargy.

The yellow figure hovered down and landed on the earth next to the blue figure, both peering down at the burning forest below them. From closer up the two figures were very distinct in appearance. The blue figure resembled a hedgehog, and was lanky in appearance with arched spikes protruding from the back of his head and a dull red neckerchief wrapped around his neck. The yellow figure, however, had a less audacious appearance. He resembled a fox, and was fairly lanky with golden fur, appearing shorter and more youthful than the hedgehog. Wrapped around the Fox’s neck was a patched up mottled scarf with aero goggles cupped loosely to his head. This fox, however, had two tails instead of one, which were blotched white at their ends. The fox turned his head toward the hedgehog and said unsteadily.

“Sonic, It’s a mess down there. We should see if anyone’s hurt.”

The fox’s voice was soft and innocuous. A moment passed when nothing was said. The fox continued to look at the hedgehog, trying to find assurance in his face. But there was none. His face was firm and definite and seemed to reflect a busy mind at work behind it. The hedgehog broke the still silence and nodded afterward at the Fox’s response, but his eyes stayed focus on the burning woods. The fox held tightly to the Hedgehog’s hand and his tails seemed to twist and turn faster and faster until they propelled him up off the ground. As the Fox gained altitude the hedgehog, too, lifted off the ground. The hedgehog lifted his necktie to his nose and the Fox placed the goggles in his eyes as the duo descended into the burning forest.

-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------
All right, this is my first fanfic, as well as my first serious writing.
Feedback, I need it.
Also, I'm hoping to update this fanfic every week or so have patience.
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Last edited by Final Flourish; 04-19-2011 at 09:44 AM.
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Old 04-19-2011, 01:26 PM   #2
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Too short, but otherwise, thumbs up.
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Old 04-19-2011, 05:10 PM   #3
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My lord. Where do I begin?

Let me begin by saying that there's fan fiction, and then there's fan fiction, where the author has poured so much description into his story that it feels nothing like the original work that he's writing about. This, my friend, can be either disastrous or splendid; I truly think this work conveys the latter meaning.

Your grammar is excellent, and any grammatical errors are minute and nothing to report.

It is a bit short, the first chapter only seven paragraphs long, but as I stated before, you crammed so much description into this one chapter alone that made it feel much more longer than it is.

I guess I'll just sum this all up with five words:

Keep up the good work.
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Old 04-19-2011, 05:47 PM   #4
Final Flourish
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Thanks for the amazing feedback guys. The truth is this was originally part of a larger more eventful chapter, but I decided to slice the first few paragraphs off to make sure the next chapter didn't exhaust any readers. I myself get tired of reading longwinded stories.

Also, I'm going to be editing this post frequently to update any information about the characters in the story, so if anyone who hasn't read my work wants to skip right to the current chapter they can always go to this post and see who's who in the story.
I won't add any information I haven't mentioned in the story, however. Tell me what you guys think about this.



STH: HI Characters.
??? - Blue speedy hedgehog wearing a red neckerchief.
??? - Yellow fox with two tails, wearing a patched up mottled scarf.
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