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Old 08-24-2011, 04:03 PM   #1
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Burden Of Ambition: Ring of Malice

Chapter One
The Science
Part I


There’s something bothering me Zach.
Do you understand?







August 6

There are these rings called supremacy rings that, when held, give the wearer amazing powers. Forged by crafters as a means of technological progression, they’ve been made to dynamically speed up scientific progression, medical advancements and, well, just about anything you could think of that could make life easier and longer. But not just anybody can wield these special rings. It takes a very capable and dedicated studious to even comprehend the science behind supremacy rings. I say science because even with the godly powers the rings provide, the detail behind them isn’t at all lucid. But one must fully comprehend the nature of a particular ring to utilize it. Interesting enough, a ring will react differently depending on who the possessor is. While this may seem a bit arbitrary, judging from the texts me and Zach have read, the different reactions are associated with the person’s temperament. While it may not be a definite, measurable variable, I’m sure it plays a big part in the potency of these supremacy rings. Sometimes I wonder if Zach understands all this when I tell him it. Regardless, he’s been just as serious as this as me since day one. I’m so proud of him, and I know Mom and Dad would have been too.






Quote:
Originally Posted by Supremacy Ring Manuscript VI
The Ring of Malice, forged by divine steel and crafted by a hundred of the most talented ring crafters who’ve specifically been given the right to craft the ring by God. Its creation was meant to serve as human’s salvation in a time of suffering and constant civil wars. The ring was inlaid with the power to, cure the diseased, influence the behavior of others, give those who wield powers that scaled far beyond a normal ring and, ultimately, create other rings of lesser potent. When the Ring was formed and was presented to the people by the crafters the people wished for there to be change..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Supremacy Ring Manuscript V
The ring brought about the end to the strife as the possessors of the ring were finally able to end the civil wars and the strife through domination, bringing about peace for some time. Sometime later one of the hundreds of crafters became eschewed, and stole the ring to harness its power. The crafter was ultimately captured, killed, with his whole family exiled from the community forever. The ring, however, was never to be found again, yet peace remained as the need for war had already subsided. The crafter, before he had been captured and put to death, talked of a vessel which contained the ring.But after generations of searching for the ring it could not be found. To the surprise of the crafters a second success of crafting a ring with equal potent seemed impossible, and so the recoverment and recreation of the malice ring was completely disbanded.




The decrepit book shelves lined row by row, most if not all were covered in dust and were inhabited by whatever creatures could reside in-between the books. Darkness dwelled in every crack and corner whilst the glowing eyes of the small and curious gleamed down at two figures, one young boy and one older looking girl walking through the abandoned facility. The taller, older looking girl with café-colored hair walked ahead of the younger boy, who had shorter silver-colored hair. The two neared a large stand in which a large book layed.“Is this it Sister?” asked the younger boy.


“That’s right Zach. This is it. The so called embryo of power, the embodiment of life and peace, and yet also the main catalyst for mass destruction and ultimate death.” The older girl smirked and began posing exaggeratedly. “The divine gift from God, the artifact that was meant to serve to be the messiah for human kind! Crafted by a hundred skilled crafters who were chosen by god to bring about peace and prosperity!”


The younger boy chuckled and smiled giddily. “Heh, that’s baloney.”

The older girl smirked and brushed her hair back with her hand. “That’s right Zach. The Ring of Malice was nothing but a weapon of war created to control the civil wars through sheer power. As desperate as the people were to end the strife, the people on top, as unscrupulous as they were, used the name of God as a means to snatch the approval of the people. Now, the manuscript doesn’t go into detail as to how the ring performed in the war, but it ultimately was the cause for the end of all wars, meaning it must have had some serious kick to it.”


The older sister began shifting through the pages of the book. “The manuscript also forgets to mention that the crafter who stole the ring was also the first to use it during the war. Seeing its power, he became eschewed and fraudulent and sought the ring’s power for himself. Crusaveils Monotelle; that was the thief’s name. And instead of handing the ring over, he hid it and scattered clues pertaining to where the ring might be. Because of his refusal to disclose where the ring was, he was sentenced to death and his whole family line was exiled forever because of his incompetence. What a condescending loon he must have been to let his whole family take a fall because of what he did. ” The older sister stopped shifting through the pages, and grasped a small ring box that was lying on top of one page of the book. “Ah, the vessel. And lookie here it’s creased into the page with Crusaveil’s hand notes. Well this is a bit anti-climactic; the vessel is a ring box.” The older sister took hold of the ring box and snugged a piece of paper which were Crusaveil’s hand notes down the pocket of her jeans.


“So, are you going to do it sister?” asked the younger brother.


“Of course I am. We didn’t spend the last six months away from home for nothing did we?” The older sister opened the ring box, and placed the golden ring in the box with a crimson ruby inlaid in it on the cover of the large book. “It’s time Zach.” The older sister smoothly stretched out her right hand, in which a ring was placed on the index finger. “We’re going home Zach! Rebuking Hammer ring!” Suddenly light started to permeate from the ring and blue shards of light started to emerge from the ring and dissipate seconds afterward. With another flash of light, a large hammer materialized in the hand of the older sister, in which she placed her other hand on as well for a better grip. “Let’s smash this thing once and for all. Then we can go back home to Nana.” The younger brother nodded as the older sister readied herself to smash the ring. Suddenly bright lights were shown in the other side of the room and furious sounds of artillery fire were heard.


“Sister, look out! Aeigis Shield ring!” A ring on the younger brother’s right hand emitted a light similar to the sister’s, and a split second later a shield larger than the boy himself with strange markings appeared and shielded both siblings, sounds of bullets ricocheting from the shield and piercing through the bookcases were heard.

"Wah, what was that?!” Sounds from the other side of the facility were heard.


“God damn it you missed her Jin!” Snarled a feminine but sassy voice from the other side of the facility.

“Naw, he didn’t miss, that bastard kid used his shield to cover his ass!” snarled back a more masculine voice.

“Yeah? Well maybe if he didn't have that damn mask.."


The shield emitted a strong light, and, after the light had subsided, the shield dematerialized. The older sister turned her head to see three familiar figures standing across from them.

“How’d you three clowns find us? I thought we left you in the dust last time.” Three figures stood; two men and one woman facing the siblings on the other side of the book stand. The lady of the group was covered in black leather, from her boots to her leather jeans and leather jacket with long crimson hair streaming down. One of the men wore a mask with similar markings to the shield of Zach, and, judging from the turret he held in his hand looks like he fired the bullets. The last, and judging by his posture, the leader, had the cockiest expression sneered on his face. His hair was jet black, and his golden eyes were locked on the sister. The golden-eyed man stepped forward slowly, his hands in his pockets.

“We’ve been tracking you all this time. Know why? ‘Cuz we knew you’d lead us to the ring like a couple of naïve runts. Well, don’t just stand there all bewildered like, give us that ring!” Without a moment to lose the sister snugged the ring box into her jeans pocket and held onto Zach’s hand as they started running to the nearest hallway.

“Up yours, moron!”


The lady in the group took her right hand out from her pocket and whispered something inaudible to her ring. Moments later a flash of light surged and light started to materialize and dematerialize rapidly around the ring. When the light subsided a grimoire appeared between her hands.

“Oh fun, I’m in the mood for a game of cat and mouse.” When the lady opened her grimoire darts of light exploded out from it and zoomed all over throughout the room, bouncing from one surface to the next. After the light had dissipated a moment’s silence creeped in. In the stilled darkness rumbling was heard, followed by creaks and mellow growls. From within the bookshelves arms and legs erupted, causing the bookshelves to get up and sprint erroneously in the direction that the siblings had gone.


“Jin, Sasorie, let’s go. We’ll let these bookshelves lead the way to the runts.” Said the golden-eyed man.

“Yeah, that was the initial idea Cravis, but you get some recognition for at least figuring it out. .” Sasorie patted the head of the jet-black haired man and began running in the direction the walking bookshelves did.

Behind the mask of the masked man chuckling was heard, and soon after he darted in pursuit of the runts with extraordinary speed.

Cravis wrenched his fist tightly and held it close to his chest.


“Bitch.”



More to come at hyper-speed!
Next one will not be chapter 2, but chapter One part II.
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Last edited by Final Flourish; 08-26-2011 at 03:49 AM.
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Old 08-25-2011, 12:03 AM   #2
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last line is "bitch", so it's automatically edgy and cool. /sarcasm

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Old 08-25-2011, 12:20 AM   #3
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I really love this story so far. When I read about the rings, it sounded so much like LotR, and I thought it was just going to be a ripoff. You have gone above and beyond my expectations.

I saw one glaring grammatical error, though; whenever a new character begins talking, you should begin a new paragraph. For example, this paragraph:

Quote:
The younger boy chuckled and smiled giddily. “Heh, that’s baloney.” The older girl smirked and brushed her hair back with her hand. “That’s right zach. The Ring of Malice was nothing but a weapon of war created to control the civil wars through sheer power. As desperate as the people were to end the strife, the people on top, as unscrupulous as they were, used the name of God as a means to snatch the approval of the people. Now, the manuscript doesn’t go into detail as to how the ring performed in the war, but it ultimately was the cause for the end of all wars, meaning it must have had some serious kick to it.”
Here is how it should be written out:

Quote:
Originally Posted by "Graham Ernazi
The younger boy chuckled and smiled giddily. “Heh, that’s baloney.”

The older girl smirked and brushed her hair back with her hand. “That’s right zach. The Ring of Malice was nothing but a weapon of war created to control the civil wars through sheer power. As desperate as the people were to end the strife, the people on top, as unscrupulous as they were, used the name of God as a means to snatch the approval of the people. Now, the manuscript doesn’t go into detail as to how the ring performed in the war, but it ultimately was the cause for the end of all wars, meaning it must have had some serious kick to it.”
You did this some of the time, though, so you may have just slipped up on doing this on some of the paragraphs.

I look forward to Chapter 1 Part 2.
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Old 08-25-2011, 11:42 AM   #4
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This is... This is great.
Write more bro, this is surely something that deserves to be continued.
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Old 08-25-2011, 09:17 PM   #5
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Good stuff, other than a few capitalization mishaps and the thing that Glast pointed out, it's very well done.

And believe me when I say;
Me gusta.
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Old 08-25-2011, 09:49 PM   #6
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I mean that in the best way possible.
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:28 AM   #7
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Woot look at my fat lewt. I fixed the grammatical errors Glaston pointed out, including the needed capitalizations.

Chapter One part II is coming to you all at hyper-speed!
Translation: Tomorrow.

EDIT: Woah.
I don't think I'll have the time to finish it by tomorrow.
We're preparing for hurricane irine over here.
But I'll post it ASAP.
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